Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
