I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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