i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
