do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
