I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
