P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
