I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
