Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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