you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
