i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
