I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
