it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
