I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
