Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
