Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
