she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
