Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
