Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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