Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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