idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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