He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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