She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
