I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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