John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
