Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
