I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
