i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
