im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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