The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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