This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
