The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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