eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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