I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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