You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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