I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
