Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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