I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
