Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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