Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
