I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
