Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
