Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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