is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
