i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This baby is an asshole
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
