I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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