Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
