Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
