i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
