I feel like abortions should bother me more
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He better not be in your backpack
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
