I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
