Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
