im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
