Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
